Best
Corny Dad Jokes
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"I'm
afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."
·
"My wife said I should do lunges to stay
in shape. That would be a big step forward."
·
"Why do fathers take an extra pair of
socks when they go golfing?" "In case they get a hole in one!"
·
"Singing in the shower is fun until you
get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera."
·
"What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have
in common?" "They're both Paris sites."
·
"What do you call a fish wearing a
bowtie?" "Sophisticated."
·
"How
do you follow Will Smith in the snow?" "You follow the fresh
prints."
·
"If
April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?"
"Pilgrims."
·
"I
thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator
all along."
·
"What
do you call a factory that makes okay products?" "A
satisfactory."
·
"Dear
Math, grow up and solve your own problems."
·
"What
did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?"
"Supplies!"
·
"Have
you heard about the chocolate record player? It sounds pretty sweet."
·
"What
did the ocean say to the beach?" "Nothing, it just waved."
·
"Why
do seagulls fly over the ocean?" "Because if they flew over the bay,
we'd call them bagels."
·
"I
only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y."
·
"How
does the moon cut his hair?" "Eclipse it."
·
"What
did one wall say to the other?" "I'll meet you at the corner."
·
"What
did the zero say to the eight?" "That belt looks good on you."
·
"A
skeleton walk into a bar and says, 'Hey, bartender. I'll have one beer and a
mop.'"
·
"Where
do fruits go on vacation?" "Pear-is!"
·
"I
asked my dog what's two minus two. He said nothing."
·
"What
did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn?" "Where's Pop Corn?"
·
"What's
the best thing about Switzerland?" "I don't know, but the flag is a
big plus."
·
"What
does a sprinter eat before a race?" "Nothing, they fast!"
·
"Where
do you learn to make a banana split?" "Sundae school."
·
"What
has more letters than the alphabet?" "The post office!"
·
"Dad,
did you get a haircut?" "No, I got them all cut!"
·
"What
do you call a poor Santa Claus?" "St. Nickel-less."
·
"I
got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out.
The cashier said never mind."
·
"Where
do boats go when they're sick?" "To the boat doc."
·
"I
don't trust those trees. They seem kind of shady."
·
"My
wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So, I packed
up my stuff and right!"
·
"How
do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut."
·
"Why
don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up."
·
"I
don't trust stairs. They're always up to something."
·
"What
do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows."
·
"Did
you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!"
·
"Why
couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired."
·
"What
did one hat say to the other?" "Stay here! I'm going on ahead."
·
"Why
did Billy get fired from the banana factory? He kept throwing away the bent
ones."
·
"Dad, can you put my
shoes on?" "No, I don't think they'll fit me."
·
"Why can't a nose be
12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot."
·
"What does a lemon say
when it answers the phone?" "Yellow!"
·
"This graveyard looks
overcrowded. People must be dying to get in."
·
"What kind of car does
an egg drive?" "A Volkswagen."
·
"Dad, can you put the
cat out?" "I didn't know it was on fire."
·
"How do you make 7
even?" "Take away the s."
·
"How does a taco say
grace?" "Lettuce prays."
·
"What time did the man
go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y."
·
"Why didn't the
skeleton climb the mountain?" "It didn't have the guts."
·
"What do you call it
when a snowman throws a tantrum?" "A meltdown."
·
"How many tickles does
it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles."
·
"I have a joke about
chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction."
·
"What concert costs
just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!"
·
"What does a bee use
to brush its hair?" "A honeycomb!"
·
"How do you make a
tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it."
·
"Why did the math book
look so sad? Because of all of its problems!"
·
"What do you call
cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese."
·
"My dad told me a joke
about boxing. I guess I missed the punch line."
·
"What kind of shoes do
ninjas wear? Sneakers!"
·
"How does a penguin
build its house? Igloos it together."
·
"How did Harry Potter
get down the hill?" "Walking. JK! Rowling."
Best One-Liner Dad Jokes
·
"I used to be addicted
to soap, but I'm clean now."
·
"A guy walks into a
bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest."
·
"You think swimming
with sharks is expensive? Swimming with sharks cost me an arm and a leg."
·
"When two vegans get
in an argument, is it still called a beef?"
·
"I ordered a chicken
and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know..."
·
"Do you want to box
for your leftovers?" "No, but I'll wrestle you for them."
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"That car looks nice
but the muffler seems exhausted."
·
"Shout out to my
fingers. I can count on all of them."
